Creative Writing Workshop: Critiques

Personally, I think she have done a fairly good job in her creative writing.

The few things I like about her creative writing are as below:

1. I like the way she incorporated the use of nativization into her text to make it more Malaysian. For example, she used it in "shut up lah"
2. I also like the way she featured her story to be in an authentic context that everyone can relate themselves to. As her story centers around school life, I am sure many of us can understand or relate to what the protagonist may be going through as this is a phase we're sure to go through in our life.
3. Besides that, I admire her style of writing as it is easily understandable for almost anyone. Her choice of words are clear and not too difficult for Malaysian readers.

But, of course there are a few improvements that she can make to turn her story into a better masterpiece.

1. For one, I think she can spend more creativity on her description. For starters, she could expand a little more about the settings and surroundings of the school.
2. In addition, I think she can add more literary elements into her writing such as the use of imageries, metaphors and personifications. I personally think these elements are crucial in a good piece of writing.

Creative Writing Workshop: Descriptive Writing

The crashing sound of the waves against the large vessel imitated his turbulent feelings as he walks into his past. He remembered everything clearly; the fat droplets of rain falling on the roof that protected him and Innola from getting drenched, the lush green shrubs planted around that closeted warmly-lit café, the tears rolling down her face, and of course the piece of note in pink and the carved ring. He who is not a romantic person at heart feels the strings of affection pulling at his heart for once. It has been 9 lonesome months now. He had gone there late, on purpose, wishing that she will be gone by the time he turns up. Yet, when he sees her from across the street, half-buried her face in the pages of a yellow leafed book, his heart leapt in joy. As if she could sense his arrival, she half-turned her head towards the direction of the café door. Or was it the jiggling sound of bells that she heard made her turn as a customer excited the cozy little café that caters more to youngsters ? He never knew. The sharp cries of seagulls flying around in the evening sky snapped him back to reality as a shower of cold rain drowned his memories.

"It's time for dinner, pal. Stop thinking," Johnson, the best friend Carl could ever look for in these torturing months yelled across the deck.

"I wasn't thinking of anything. I was just looking at the sunset,"Carl lied convincingly, his expressions unreadable and he knew it.

Johnson seemed skeptical for a while....

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Comments on The Girl and the Man

Things I like:
• Injected a sense of humor~ fun to read
Example: Then he said with the kindest voice as he walked straight to the girl, “Oh honey, what I’ve done? What’s wrong with you? You don’t like the heels I gave you, do you? Babe, they are Italian, genuine leather.”
• Has good imagination

Things that can be improved:
• Grammar mistakes~ quite a lot
• Vocabulary~ limited
• Not enough description due to lots of dialogues

http://kydekhaidhir.blogspot.com/2011/11/girl-and-man.html

Tutorial on Dialogue Writing

"I never want to see you again!" the woman in an expensive-looking black pantsuit shouted at the top of her voice across the narrow street. Everyone who was going about their business in the bustling city of New York stopped dead in their tracks as they set their sights on the young man holding a blue umbrella who seemed to be the addressee of the woman's anger.

The woman in her early twenties seemed to be shaking with anger as she looked daggers at the man who bowed his head in shame from all the dirty looks he received from the passer-bys. A lone moment passed before the man opened his mouth and speak in placating tones, “Jodi, please do not make a scene out here,” as he crosses the short distance between them.

“I will do whatever I want, do not tell me what to do or what not to do!” she spat at him as she clutches her leather bag tighter in her arms as though it can give her the comfort she seems to be craving for. “You are not feeling well, I will send you home now,” the patient man said as he grasps the upper arms of the young lady and turned her towards the direction of his car parked beneath some willow trees.

The busybodies started to disperse at the sight of them leaving when suddenly there’s a sharp cry coming from the hysterical lady who now lies limply in the young man’s arms. “Jodi, wake up! Please do not try your famous fainting act here,” the man uttered in pleading tones. That was all I got sight of as police officers poked their noses into this modern day scenario.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Tutorial on fiction writing- Settings

• Onboard an oil ship
• Ship’s sail marked with oil stains
• Sky getting dark-sun going down the horizon
• Ship rocking gently-waves sounded harsh
• Seagulls’ sharp cries-signaling upcoming storm ?
• Chilly wind blowing

The large ship rocked gently, bobbing up and down the ocean waves as though it is cradled in a loving mother’s arms, rocking it into a deep slumber. But the harsh waves and sharp cries of the seagulls swooping around near the surface of the ocean seems to signal something. Is it a storm ? Or is there a pirate ship cruising forward behind these hazy fogs that starts to set in now that the sky darkens and the gloomy sun sets down the horizon ? One never knows in this kind of place, anything might just happen in a blink of an eye. The sail of the ship marked with oil stains starts to get into a frenzy of crazy dance steps now that the chilly wind started blowing across the deserted deck except for the lone figure leaning forward on the railings at the front.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Lawrence trying his hand at fiction writing

Hi people ^^ Just wanted to share something my boyfriend wrote when I told him about the fiction writing tutorial we got to do.. I personally think he writes better than me after reading it though I am the one studying Literature >.< This is so ironic.. So, here it is:

Blood flowed down from a cut just under his eye, mixing with the tears running down his cheeks. For a brief moment it seems as if he were weeping tears of blood, this skeletal frame of a man reduced to a hollow shell of his former greatness. His arms itch, either from the innumerable in insect bites resultant of him spending all day in a decaying house, or from the effects of the chemicals his body has just consumed. He stopped trying to figure out the itch a long time ago, he only knows that if the itch goes, his whole body is engulfed in a pain so great that only another dose of the mind numbing chemical can soothe it. After the pain is relieved, then the itch comes again… and so it goes on and on, a never ending circle that has forced him to abandon all hopes of a life with a future in order to feed his addiction. A great pity, for his large gait and confident swagger hint at a once muscular and athletic individual. His rugged face, although not suave and handsome, gave an air of macho confidence that would certainly have caused many a female heart to swoon. Instead of all the wonders that could have and should have been his, he now lies crying alone in an abandoned shack, his sunken eyes and sallow skin betraying the fact that he hasn’t had a bath in ages. His clothes hang limply from his wafer thin torso, making one wonder how long has it been since he had a decent meal. Indeed, his current condition makes one ache for him, but all that doesn’t faze him one bit, all that occupies his mind now is how to get his next fix, so that he can stop the itch, or was it the pain ? Somehow he can’t seem to remember which one it was that he wants to get rid of..

© Lawrence Lim Seck Guang. All rights reserved.

Tutorial on fiction writing: Character

• A young man in his 20's, working on board an oil ship
• Thin, medium height and tanned skin
• Mixed parentage
• Intelligent, quick to adapt
• Ill-mannered but polite
• Not afraid to speak his mind
• Possess an air of aloofness
• Does not care much about his appearance
• Don't know how to express himself
• Trying to peel off smoking habit

He gazes into the sunset longingly. His usually twinkling big rounded eyes decorated with spiky jet black lashes mirrors the loneliness he felt as the wind blows his unruly hair all over his forehead. Thinly built for a man in his 20’s, he stands at 5 foot 8, an average height for most Asian men. Blessed with a hawk-like-nose that lends him an air of haughtiness, he looks much similar to the main character in Pirates of the Caribbean, Captain Jack Sparrow with his darkly tanned skin as he leans forward on the railings of the oil ship he is working for. Well-developed muscles in his forearm rippled slightly as he delved his left hand into his trouser pocket for his favorite pack of Dunhill, only to find a folded piece of note and a carved silver ring. Ah, his promise must not be broken, he will try hard to keep to his promise if that’s the only thing he can do here. Memories flooded his mind, bringing him back to the rainy day the promise was made, and sealed with these two very items.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved