Creative Writing Workshop: Critiques

Personally, I think she have done a fairly good job in her creative writing.

The few things I like about her creative writing are as below:

1. I like the way she incorporated the use of nativization into her text to make it more Malaysian. For example, she used it in "shut up lah"
2. I also like the way she featured her story to be in an authentic context that everyone can relate themselves to. As her story centers around school life, I am sure many of us can understand or relate to what the protagonist may be going through as this is a phase we're sure to go through in our life.
3. Besides that, I admire her style of writing as it is easily understandable for almost anyone. Her choice of words are clear and not too difficult for Malaysian readers.

But, of course there are a few improvements that she can make to turn her story into a better masterpiece.

1. For one, I think she can spend more creativity on her description. For starters, she could expand a little more about the settings and surroundings of the school.
2. In addition, I think she can add more literary elements into her writing such as the use of imageries, metaphors and personifications. I personally think these elements are crucial in a good piece of writing.

Creative Writing Workshop: Descriptive Writing

The crashing sound of the waves against the large vessel imitated his turbulent feelings as he walks into his past. He remembered everything clearly; the fat droplets of rain falling on the roof that protected him and Innola from getting drenched, the lush green shrubs planted around that closeted warmly-lit café, the tears rolling down her face, and of course the piece of note in pink and the carved ring. He who is not a romantic person at heart feels the strings of affection pulling at his heart for once. It has been 9 lonesome months now. He had gone there late, on purpose, wishing that she will be gone by the time he turns up. Yet, when he sees her from across the street, half-buried her face in the pages of a yellow leafed book, his heart leapt in joy. As if she could sense his arrival, she half-turned her head towards the direction of the café door. Or was it the jiggling sound of bells that she heard made her turn as a customer excited the cozy little café that caters more to youngsters ? He never knew. The sharp cries of seagulls flying around in the evening sky snapped him back to reality as a shower of cold rain drowned his memories.

"It's time for dinner, pal. Stop thinking," Johnson, the best friend Carl could ever look for in these torturing months yelled across the deck.

"I wasn't thinking of anything. I was just looking at the sunset,"Carl lied convincingly, his expressions unreadable and he knew it.

Johnson seemed skeptical for a while....

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Comments on The Girl and the Man

Things I like:
• Injected a sense of humor~ fun to read
Example: Then he said with the kindest voice as he walked straight to the girl, “Oh honey, what I’ve done? What’s wrong with you? You don’t like the heels I gave you, do you? Babe, they are Italian, genuine leather.”
• Has good imagination

Things that can be improved:
• Grammar mistakes~ quite a lot
• Vocabulary~ limited
• Not enough description due to lots of dialogues

http://kydekhaidhir.blogspot.com/2011/11/girl-and-man.html

Tutorial on Dialogue Writing

"I never want to see you again!" the woman in an expensive-looking black pantsuit shouted at the top of her voice across the narrow street. Everyone who was going about their business in the bustling city of New York stopped dead in their tracks as they set their sights on the young man holding a blue umbrella who seemed to be the addressee of the woman's anger.

The woman in her early twenties seemed to be shaking with anger as she looked daggers at the man who bowed his head in shame from all the dirty looks he received from the passer-bys. A lone moment passed before the man opened his mouth and speak in placating tones, “Jodi, please do not make a scene out here,” as he crosses the short distance between them.

“I will do whatever I want, do not tell me what to do or what not to do!” she spat at him as she clutches her leather bag tighter in her arms as though it can give her the comfort she seems to be craving for. “You are not feeling well, I will send you home now,” the patient man said as he grasps the upper arms of the young lady and turned her towards the direction of his car parked beneath some willow trees.

The busybodies started to disperse at the sight of them leaving when suddenly there’s a sharp cry coming from the hysterical lady who now lies limply in the young man’s arms. “Jodi, wake up! Please do not try your famous fainting act here,” the man uttered in pleading tones. That was all I got sight of as police officers poked their noses into this modern day scenario.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Tutorial on fiction writing- Settings

• Onboard an oil ship
• Ship’s sail marked with oil stains
• Sky getting dark-sun going down the horizon
• Ship rocking gently-waves sounded harsh
• Seagulls’ sharp cries-signaling upcoming storm ?
• Chilly wind blowing

The large ship rocked gently, bobbing up and down the ocean waves as though it is cradled in a loving mother’s arms, rocking it into a deep slumber. But the harsh waves and sharp cries of the seagulls swooping around near the surface of the ocean seems to signal something. Is it a storm ? Or is there a pirate ship cruising forward behind these hazy fogs that starts to set in now that the sky darkens and the gloomy sun sets down the horizon ? One never knows in this kind of place, anything might just happen in a blink of an eye. The sail of the ship marked with oil stains starts to get into a frenzy of crazy dance steps now that the chilly wind started blowing across the deserted deck except for the lone figure leaning forward on the railings at the front.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Lawrence trying his hand at fiction writing

Hi people ^^ Just wanted to share something my boyfriend wrote when I told him about the fiction writing tutorial we got to do.. I personally think he writes better than me after reading it though I am the one studying Literature >.< This is so ironic.. So, here it is:

Blood flowed down from a cut just under his eye, mixing with the tears running down his cheeks. For a brief moment it seems as if he were weeping tears of blood, this skeletal frame of a man reduced to a hollow shell of his former greatness. His arms itch, either from the innumerable in insect bites resultant of him spending all day in a decaying house, or from the effects of the chemicals his body has just consumed. He stopped trying to figure out the itch a long time ago, he only knows that if the itch goes, his whole body is engulfed in a pain so great that only another dose of the mind numbing chemical can soothe it. After the pain is relieved, then the itch comes again… and so it goes on and on, a never ending circle that has forced him to abandon all hopes of a life with a future in order to feed his addiction. A great pity, for his large gait and confident swagger hint at a once muscular and athletic individual. His rugged face, although not suave and handsome, gave an air of macho confidence that would certainly have caused many a female heart to swoon. Instead of all the wonders that could have and should have been his, he now lies crying alone in an abandoned shack, his sunken eyes and sallow skin betraying the fact that he hasn’t had a bath in ages. His clothes hang limply from his wafer thin torso, making one wonder how long has it been since he had a decent meal. Indeed, his current condition makes one ache for him, but all that doesn’t faze him one bit, all that occupies his mind now is how to get his next fix, so that he can stop the itch, or was it the pain ? Somehow he can’t seem to remember which one it was that he wants to get rid of..

© Lawrence Lim Seck Guang. All rights reserved.

Tutorial on fiction writing: Character

• A young man in his 20's, working on board an oil ship
• Thin, medium height and tanned skin
• Mixed parentage
• Intelligent, quick to adapt
• Ill-mannered but polite
• Not afraid to speak his mind
• Possess an air of aloofness
• Does not care much about his appearance
• Don't know how to express himself
• Trying to peel off smoking habit

He gazes into the sunset longingly. His usually twinkling big rounded eyes decorated with spiky jet black lashes mirrors the loneliness he felt as the wind blows his unruly hair all over his forehead. Thinly built for a man in his 20’s, he stands at 5 foot 8, an average height for most Asian men. Blessed with a hawk-like-nose that lends him an air of haughtiness, he looks much similar to the main character in Pirates of the Caribbean, Captain Jack Sparrow with his darkly tanned skin as he leans forward on the railings of the oil ship he is working for. Well-developed muscles in his forearm rippled slightly as he delved his left hand into his trouser pocket for his favorite pack of Dunhill, only to find a folded piece of note and a carved silver ring. Ah, his promise must not be broken, he will try hard to keep to his promise if that’s the only thing he can do here. Memories flooded his mind, bringing him back to the rainy day the promise was made, and sealed with these two very items.

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Poetry Hyperlink Project-Musings in an Aquarium

Comfort, she craves for

Emotions in a braid, she

Stares, question in mind

The lone tree waves it's branches

Her fish swims as though crippled

Yee Woan Fung (Yvvone)

A129251

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved

Musings

A shower in the early rays of light

Trembling outside

Feeling warmth inside

Dews from the night

Then came the knight

High up on his ride

To claim his bride

In blissful sight

© Yvvone Yee Woan Fung. All rights reserved.

The Deed

Free Verse Poetry

Prompts: regret, rhythm, bougainvilleas, freedom, light, danger

Bougainvilleas that trembles

With the rhythm of regret

Yearning for the freedom

Like the desert thirsting for water

Oh, light shine upon me

Danger, please don't track me

All rights reserved (C) Yvvone Yee Woan Fung

Commemoration of independence for all nations in Malaysia

54 eventful years has gone by from the 1^st moment our country received independence through the hands of the noble Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra Al-Haj, Malaysia’s 1st prime minister in Stadium Merdeka, Kuala Lumpur. Each year, Independence Day which falls on the 31^st of August, would be celebrated in an extremely remarkable fashion with much triumph and joy from Malaysia’s multicultural race. The efforts of the late Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Tan Cheng Lock the 1^st MCA president, Tun V.T. Sambanthan the 5^th MIC president and other righteous political leaders who fought for our country’s freedom would not go to waste as Malaysian’s struggle to put together the grandest celebration in honor of our nation’s heroes every year.

This year, Malaysian’s rejoiced in double happiness as Hari Raya Aidilfitri falls on the same day as our country’s Independence Day. As acknowledged, Malaysia is a diverse country consisting of Malays, Chinese, Indians and other races. It is a blessing for not only our fellow Malays to celebrate their new year jointly with Independence Day, but also to every Malaysian citizen as this once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence that is believed to happen every 6 decades brings us together regardless of our race.

Here, I would like to share my personal experience during this year’s Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Independence Day. Pardon me when I say normally it would not occur to me to visit my cousin brother who had converted into Muslim when he married his wife of Muslim descendant because I thought we would have nothing to talk about and will end up in an awkward situation. But since he and his wife invited me over to their house for Hari Raya and Independence Day celebration and I’m on loose end, I took up their offer which later changed my perspective of us, Malaysians. I was greeted with much warmth and affection by everyone when I reached my cousin brother and his wife’s house though I do not know most of them. I gathered that some of them knew me when they asked me questions but I just could not recognize them, I could only smile sheepishly. There were at least 50 people in the cozy house and I “salam” with those near me when they looked me in the eyes and returned a smile with a string of good wishes. My heart felt warm because I felt their genuine care which I thought is extended to people of their race only. I was never more wrong. I felt terribly awful and guilty for not forming and maintaining a firmer bond with them.

This joint celebration has given me the chance to mingle more with my relations from a different background. I now understand that language, traditions, and culture are no barriers and absolutely no excuses to stay apart from them. Therefore, I sincerely hope that we, Malaysians can try to mix with each other more in order for a better understanding of other races other than our own and move towards a better future. I am not saying that we Malaysians are a perfect group that mingles together without flaw. There have been arguments, discriminations and criticizing between our races that ensues from the past. But, all these are behind us now. Sometimes, we still do not see eye to eye on everything but that may be due to the different upbringing we had. By learning to help and tolerate each other more regardless of race, this will be the most significant step that contributes to building a greater nation than the one we have today.

We have all of us learnt to live together harmoniously and adapt to each other’s way of life regardless of beliefs and skin color. In spite of what race we are which is not important anymore in this era, we will always be Malaysians. In a nutshell, Malaysia is a melting pot of various nations that come together despite our differences in culture, language, origin, or traditions and this is what’s worth celebrating not only on Independence Day but every single day we stay united.

All rights reserved (C) Yvvone Yee Woan Fung

8^th Sept 2011

Unwanted freedom

Sam's widow sobbed

Song of broken furniture

Freedom unwanted

Kettle hissing on the stove

Just a moment, then silence

All rights reserved (C) Yvvone Yee Woan Fung